Thankful

2/11

I went up to deck 7, the top deck, to get some alone time. There is really none of that on this ship - we are constantly surrounded by people - and it makes things hard sometimes. So here I am, escaping to sit underneath the stars and reflect. Just a single chair against the railing and in front of me is the endless sea. Above me, the stars shine with such brilliance it is breathtaking. The moon is so low to the horizon that the clouds that hover there are hiding it, but its light is spewing out of the top. The stars disappear ever so slightly as the smoke rises from our ship, but appear again as it passes. The water is so still, the ship only slightly rocking. But the wind blows persistently and with strength.
We honored the slave trade as we passed through the Middle Passage today. Some did so by staying silent the entire day, others by observing a moment of silence and reflection that night. We had an open forum to reflect on it and the twenty or so people that did not speak that day were all seated in a circle in the middle of the Union, dressed in all black, still in silence. We spent five or so minutes in silence, the entire room, with “Amazing Grace” playing on repeat, and words flashing on the screen with the history of the slave trade. And then, the silence was broken and those who had not spoken all day stood up to speak of their day and their reflections. It was so incredibly moving. At the end, we held hands and sang “Amazing Grace” together and I felt the need – and the desire – to stay silent for a while after we left. Many cried and it moved all of us to really think about our history- this is a part of us all, no matter the color of our skin. I encourage everyone to take some time, to stay silent, and to think about our history. Think as if you were the one who was pulled away from your family, from the life you know, and thrown onto a ship where you received little food and water, you couldn’t speak because no one could understand you and you feared death. Most of those crossing the Atlantic with you will die, and if you are lucky enough to make it, you are thrown into the property of a stranger and forced to work. Your liberty, your freedom, your dignity are all stripped away. Your life is changed forever. This doesn’t even cover half of it. Take some time and honor those that endured these hard times, for this is a part of us all. And be thankful for everything that you have- never take anything for granted.

It’s weird to look out at the horizon, at the sea roaring by me, and to think that at point, there could have been a ship carrying slaves to their new lives. Here I am, looking at the ocean in awe, yet they could not have done the same.

And I am being spoiled rotten on this ship- there are people waiting on us, i never have to lift a finger. How different my experience is than what they went through- it's unbelievable.

I’m overwhelmed. That is the only word I can use to describe how I’m feeling. I’m overwhelmed. I am constantly being challenged- the life I know is being questioned; my future is being questioned- what is my purpose in this world? God is completely in the middle of it all and although I have so many questions, I know He is guiding me. I know I am finding my place in this world, in this world that is so much bigger than me, and I am so excited to know what God has in store for me. Already, although it’s only been three weeks, I know my life is changed forever. I can’t go back home and not want to make a change in this world. I’ve seen it, I’m experiencing it and I’m learning so much that I am forever changed. It’s so overwhelming and there is so much tragedy and need being thrown at me, but I am so thankful for this opportunity. I don’t deserve any of this; God is blessing me in so many ways. I can’t say thank you enough. Thank you to God, thank you to my parents! I can’t believe I am here. Thank you.